Wodka, or: Why I'm a Creeper
by Larpderp
Summary: Many people refused to believe that she was a student of psychology at Starfleet Academy. They could see her as a mechanic or possibly a security guard, but not as a psychologist. It wasn't until she met Chekov that anybody believed her. Strong language.
1. Mechanical Octopus

Dila was hardly the most delicate of girls. Many people refused to believe that she was a student of psychology at Starfleet Academy. Why the hell would the Galactic Federation rely on tattooed, pierced girls to facilitate interplanetary treaties? They could see her as a mechanic or possibly a security guard, but never as a psychologist. It seemed impossible that her gruff voice could verbalize, "How does that make you feel?"

It wasn't until she met Pavel Chekov that anybody believed her right off the bat. He just said "Interesting," and went on to tell her that the Russians invented psychology. And for that, for being the first person to believe her, she always had a soft spot for him.

Watching Dila and Chekov walk down the halls was quite a spectacle for many cadets. To be honest, Dila could be something of a jerk -brash, tough, and ill-mannered- and Chekov, well, he was all light and purity and sweetness. Rumors that he had hired Dila to be his bodyguard ran wild. But anybody who knew the pair could tell you that they were the best of friends. They could usually be found in the library together, discussing anything from Russian literature to their favorite foods until dark, when they would retreat back to Chekov's dorm.

"I dunno. I always liked physics, but I was so damn bad at math that I never thoughta studying it seriously." said Dila, from her seat at the table she was sharing with Chekov. She was reading through his PADD, its display screen graffiti'd with physics equations and Greek symbols. The librarian was scowling at the mud encrusted boots she was resting on the table.

"Dila, I am certain zat you are perfectly cepable of being physicist. You are wery intelligent girl." Chekov replied, looking up from his graphs.

"Chekov. You been trying to teach me math for nearly two months. We're not past the second chapter. I'm no more capable of doin' trig than you are of pronouncing 'vivisection.'"

"Wiwisection. Wee-wee-section. Fffffi-ffffi-section." Dila laughed loudly. Partially to irritate that stuck up librarian.

"Not even close, man." The clack of the librarian's footsteps came closer and Dila helped Chekov pack up his stuff. The man opened his mouth and was cut off before he even began.

"Yeah, if we're not researching or studying we need to leave. I know, I know, I know. You can go back to your hidey-hole now, dicknail." she spat. The librarian turned around and retreated to his desk. Generally, Chekov would tell her to apologize and she would oblige, if only to appease him. But Chekov didn't like this librarian; he was always peering around bookshelves, like he was expecting to catch Dila stealing books or engaged in a quickie. They walked out of the library into the warm evening.

"So, wanna hang out tonight? I managed to score some wodka, just for you." she offered. Drinking on campus was pretty much the only rule she had ever seen Chekov break and, ironically, it had nothing to do with her.

"Nyet. I must study for exam tomorrow, but you are velcome to come stay vith Sulu and me tonight." Chekov answered. Dila attempted a pout but, judging from her friend's laughter, it was anything but effective.

"Nah, it's cool, man, I'll just go home to Nadine. I can hold it til tomorrow. We'll have another 'Chekov Broke the Curve' party." Dila didn't drink. Well, more accurately, she didn't get drunk. Not after the party she went to her freshman year where she puked all over Gaila, began blubbering something about ralfing all over Elphaba and then asked if Gaila "was green everywhere." That was the only time anyone could remember an Orion turning down sex.

"Okie. I vill see you tomorrow zen. Goodnight, Dila."

"'Night, Chekov." Dila clapped him on the shoulder and began heading towards the girl's dorms.

Dila banged open the door to her room and greeted Nadine with a belch.

"Hey, bro. Get any of that jailbait booty yet?" Nadine said, not looking up from her PADD. Dila yanked off her boots and shirt.

"Nah. I'm workin' on it though. Whatcha lookin' at?" Dila plopped down on her bed and pulled out her PADD as well. A picture of her and Chekov wearing fake moustaches lit up the screen.

"Porn." Nadine replied bluntly.

"Well, of course it's porn, Sherlock. I was gonna ask what kind."

"Just the set of Chapel that Kirk leaked last year. Can't believe he got her to pose for that shit. Anyway, you best make a move on your Russian soon, bro. I heard Gaila asking him for math help after my Klingon class today. And you know what 'math help' means to Gaila."

"Plugging his solution into her equation, I know. Just feels weird, ya know? I mean the age difference is one thing, but I don't think I was ever really an option to him. I mean, none of the girls he talks about are...ya know..."

"Competitive eaters with septum piercings and tattoos of mechanical octopuses?"

"Exactly."


	2. Not My Personal Best

The next day, Sulu and Dila were waiting for Chekov to return from his exam. He was scratching his head as he entered his dorm. Dila got caught up in the rhythm of his curls hitting his hand. Hot damn, did she wanna sproing those curls.

"How'd it go?" Sulu asked.

"It vas ok. I got 107% on test. Not my personal best, but ok."

"Only you, Pavel. Only you." Sulu was smart, but lacked Chekov's ambition. After the second hour of studying, he quit while Chekov would spend half the day poring over equation sheets. Chekov sat down on his bed, where Dila had sprawled out.

"So, you still wanna party tonight? Nadine's been gettin' antsy lately and I kinda already invited a buncha people to my dorm tonight. So askin' you was sort of an empty courtesy." Dila drawled as she tugged on one of Chekov's curls. Chekov yawned and stretched out next to Dila.

"Vhen?"

"In, like, two hours. I think." Sulu spun in his chair.

"God damn, don't you even know when your own party is?" Sulu interjected. Dila flipped him off and lobbed a pillow towards his general direction.

"Da. I zink I vill inwite Gaila."

"Ok. Wait. What? Gaila?" Dila had to stop herself from reacting.

"Da. Gaila is wery nice girl. And wery, wery beautiful. I vould like to get to know her better." Dila couldn't think of what to say, but she had immediately recognized this feeling. Jealousy. And she hated herself for being jealous. Junior high girls felt jealous,  
not grown-ass women with tattoos and scarred knuckles. But it's not like she could just stop Chekov from going anywhere near Gaila. Dila had fucked around, why couldn't Chekov? Shit. She could've kissed Sulu for breaking the silence.

"So, you and Nadine already went shopping for this party, right?"

"Yeah, man. It's all covered. Scored some more booze for Chekov and I bought some potent dank off Kirk. Says he might show up later." While it was generally agreed that Kirk was an arrogant ass, he knew how to bring a party to life. Dila personally liked him,  
even if they did get into the occasional bar fight.

As usual, Chekov showed up ten minutes early for the party. But tonight he went immediately to the vodka. Dila stopped him as he was about to take his third shot.

"Dude, don't get all fucked up before everybody gets here. That's the point of partying:  
everybody gets plastered together."

"Sorry, Dila. I'm just wery nerwous because Gaila is going to be here." Nadine looked up from cleaning her bong. She raised her eyebrows as if to say, "What'd I tell ya, bro?"

"Chekov," Dila said, wrestling the glass from his hand."I'm tellin' you, you'll be fine. Let's not shit ourselves, Gaila's not exactly a challenge. If anything, I'm just worried you'll catch something from her." Chekov smiled. Had it been anyone else saying this, he would've been offended and taken it as a personal attack against his object of affection.  
But he knew that Dila wasn't trying to insult him, or Gaila, on purpose. He had acclimated to her bald honesty.

"Zank you, Dila." he replied. Dila just winked and shoved some condoms into his pocket. The door opened and the first guests showed up.

"Way to go, man! You managed to set up your Russian with another girl. Hot damn,  
they oughta give you a trophy!" Nadine mocked as she passed the bong to Dila.

"Well, what the hell am I supposed to do? Say, 'Oh, hey, I know you're about to get laid by a hot alien chick and all, but don't because I want your cherry?' Yeah, good plan."  
She took a long hit. When she opened her eyes they immediately found Chekov engaged in conversation with Gaila. Chekov's skin was that pretty sunrise pink that it turned when he was trying to talk to a girl. Well, a girl that wasn't Dila. Gaila was leaning in close. She acted like she was plastered even though she couldn't have had more than two beers. Dila went to pass the bong to Nadine but Nadine shook her head.

"Nah bro, you need that shit more than me." Nadine patted her friend on the shoulder and got up.

By the time Gaila led an inebriated Chekov back to her dorm, Dila was so high she couldn't concentrate long enough for the fact to register in her brain. 


	3. She Was Gone

Dila woke up on the floor, next to Nadine's bong. A sleeping Nadine was all knotted up with some Asian chick who had come with Kirk. Dila was happy that Nadine got her girl for once, but she was too slow to stop that flash of envy. The wave of self-loathing. That voice in the base of her skull that said, "Ya know, if I weren't such a pussy, that'd be me and Chekov half naked and asleep on that couch."

After a ridiculously long shower in which Dila tried to fap herself happy again, a bleary eyed Chekov came knocking. After covering Nadine and her lover with a blanket, she opened her door for him.

"She vas gone."

"Huh?"

"Ven I voke up zis morning she vas not zere. Just Uhura." Dila understood. Chekov didn't realize that a relationship with Gaila meant a one-night stand or some casual fucking. And because Chekov didn't understand, he was hurt. And Dila knew that soon hurt would turn to hate. And she didn't want Chekov to hate Gaila. She didn't want him to hate at all.

"Well, maybe she had work or something. Or she hadta see a professor. I heard she came to you for math help." she offered. Chekov shook his head and winced as a sharp pain flared behind his eyes. Dila took him to her bed, sat him down, and brought him some aspirin and water.

"No. No. Uhura vas complaining about me being ze zird vone zis veek and she said somezing about alvays cleaning up after Gaila." Chekov gulped down his water and began to tear up. Dila sat next to him.

"Pavel, look. Gaila's not like you. She just doesn't think in terms of monogamy and commitment. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just how she is. And you knew that."

"I -I zought," he stifled a sob. "I zought zat I could change her. Zat it vould be different for me." He collapsed into Dila's chest. She ran her fingers through his curls and smiled because he finally got it.

"Well, kid. You gotta take people just as they are. And you're lucky to've learned so early on." Chekov pulled away and looked up at her.

"I do not see how I'm lucky at all."

"Well, my mom didn't learn 'til she'd been married a decade. And by then it was too late. Look, Pavel, I know it hurts but it's like my dad's old karate teacher said. Pain will make you remember." Chekov's body quivered as he let out an exhausted sigh. He wiped away his tears as Dila repositioned them so that they were lying down. He curled into Dila's side and she wrapped an arm around him.

"Zank you, Dila. You are wery good friend and vill be ewen better zerapist."

"Fuck, Chekov. Don't get all mushy on me and shit." 


	4. Predictable

Chekov did not get over things quickly, as everyone soon found out. From what Dila heard from Sulu, when Gaila came around looking for her "favorite math tutor" he hid in the bathroom and told Sulu to cover for him because he wasn't ready to see her again. It all felt slightly jarring to Dila. She had always viewed Chekov as unwavering in his optimism and obliviousness. She had forgotten how sensitive and vulnerable he could be. He wasn't even seventeen yet, after all.

"Hey, Nads?" Dila called to the bathroom. Her feet dangled over the edge of Nadine's bed.

"Did you just fuckin' call me 'Nads?'" Nadine called back.

"Yeah, new nickname. Just thought it up. Can't believe it took me so long to think of it. Anyway, we gotta get Chekov over this whole fuckin' Gaila thing." she called. Nadine stepped out of the bathroom, her dreadlocks arranged in a bun of sorts. Dila idly toyed with her nose ring.

"Why? So you can get your turn? Let 'im get over it on his time. You take all this 'I'm a therapist, I gotta fix people!' shit too far sometimes, bro. No offense." Dila shifted uncomfortably on the mattress. There was one thing she hated more than being wrong. Being wrong and Nadine being right. Not that Dila would ever admit to being wrong, of course.

"Why you always gotta piss on my parade, Nads?"

Later that evening, Dila and Nadine headed over to Chekov's dorm. Sulu answered the door and ushered them in. Even though Sulu was by no stretch of the imagination messy, it was clear what side of the room belonged to whom. With the exception of his desk (which was blanketed in assorted gadgets and devices that Dila did not know the purposes of), everything in Chekov's half was perfectly neat and organized. Sulu's half of the room, however, felt a bit more alive. Plants and antique swords occupied whatever space as they could find and Sulu had not yet bothered to make his bed. Chekov looked up from his work. He sat on his bed with his PADD in his lap.

"Hey, bro. How's bein' a genius goin'?" Nadine said, flopping down next to Chekov. He smiled slightly as he made room for her.

"Not as good as usual, I'm afraid. I've been wery distracted lately." His voice seemed slightly distant and his accent was noticeably less thick. Dila, Sulu and Nadine all exchanged glances at each other. He had been taking this worse than any of them had really expected.

"Hey," Dila began, taking a seat at Chekov's desk. "Call me crazy, but maybe if you're so damn upset over this whole thing with Gaila you should, I dunno, try talkin' to her about it." Chekov stopped smiling.

"Zat is not ze problem." he replied curtly. He sighed. Sulu and Nadine both gave Dila looks that said, "Hey, you're a therapist, you handle it." Dila rolled the chair closer to where he sat.

"Listen," she began. "I know you feel weird talkin' to Gaila about this shit because you don't really know her very well. And that's-"

"Dila," he interrupted. "Gaila and I talked about it a vhile ago. She says she is not looking for boyfriend right now but zat she vould like to keep seeing me. I am distracted because I'm not sure vhat I should do." Oh. Well. Dila looked surprised. Even though she didn't look at Chekov as a little brother, it was probably safe to say that he looked to her as an older sister. For him to talk to Gaila without Dila's urging was...unexpected, to say the least.

"DO IT!" Nadine yelled, sitting up. She then began to go into an anecdote about the time she and Gaila hooked up and all of the amazing things Gaila could do with her tongue. At one point she started to draw a diagram. While Chekov looked slightly abashed and uncomfortable, Sulu leaned forward and occasionally asked for clarification.

"Nads, if we wanted the complete fucking history of lesbian sex we'd go through your diary. Christ." Dila said.

"Would you stop callin' me that?" Nadine said as she turned to Sulu, who she knew would be keen on continuing the conversation. Dila pulled Chekov outside. As they stepped into the hallway, Dila ran her hand through her hair. Well, here comes the most awkward conversation she's ever gonna have. How do you give the boy of your dreams advice on casual sex?

"So, I assume zat it is time for you to give me good adwise and for me to sit around ower-zinking all of zis for a few days until you give me big motiwational speech, da?" he said, facing Dila. She grinned at him and swatted the back of his head.

"Hey, fuck you. I am not that predictable." Here it was. Dila's chance to dissuade Pavel from becoming involved with Gaila and to begin the process of winning him over. But as she looked at him, she realized that maybe Gaila _was_ good for him. Dila knew that Gaila had a reputation for being a caring partner and an overall good person. Maybe this was just what Chekov needed, someone to sort of show him the ropes. What people do on dates, how to fuck, and most of all, how to rid himself of the jealousy and mistrust that tends to destroy relationships and how to replace all that negativity with patience and understanding. And Dila told him as much.

"Look, Gaila isn't gonna to want anything exclusive or permanent. And if you understand that, like, _really,_ _actually, 'not-just-pretending-to-understand-that-because-you-want-some-alien-pussy'_ understand that, then I think you should take her up on her offer. You could learn a lot from her." Chekov hugged Dila around the stomach.

"Zank you, Dila. You alvays give such good adwise. I feel a lot better about zis now zat I have your input." She patted him on the back and thought back to Nadine's words at the party. She deserves more than a trophy for hooking up Chekov with Gaila; she deserves a fucking monument in her honor.

"It's no big deal."

Author's Note: Haha, I had forgotten I still had this account. Unfortunately, it seems I deleted all but the first three chapters of this story. Oh well, it was due for a rewrite anyway. This time I'm actually going to focus on characterization and pacing instead of just writing a big fluffy romance.


	5. Hypocrite

It seemed that winter was finally coming to an end. Nearly all of the cadets were taking advantage of the warm weather and could be found relaxing under trees and in the courtyards with their PADDs. Dila, however, was not among them.

"You have been moping in this motherfucking bed for three goddamn days and if you don't get the fuck out of this room I will beat your ass from here to Fresno." Nadine said, trying to forcibly remove Dila from her bed.

"It was a nice shot and all, but maybe you should leave therapy to the professionals, Nads." Dila said as she yanked her ankle out of Nadine's hands and covered her head with the comforter. Nadine plopped down on the bed.

"Don't give me that bullshit. You're a fucking undergrad, not a damn doctor. Besides if you were such a good therapist, maybe you'd try taking your own advice." This caught Dila's interest.

"And what advice is that?" Dila asked as she pulled the comforter down and sat up.

"The fucking 'honesty and open communication' bullshit you talk about every fucking day. Just tell the kid you like him and were just too chickenshit to tell him earlier, for fuck's sake. Or if you can't do that, at least learn to deal with it so I don't have to see your bitch ass moping around the room, gorging yourself onion rings all day. Christ, Dila I thought you had more balls than this."

"You know Nadine, maybe you aren't so bad at this. But I don't wanna ruin the arrangement he has with Gaila. He, uh, he really likes her, you know." There was a rare silence between the two.

"Then give it some time before you ask. You said yourself that this situation would be temporary at best." Nadine said as she stood up at walked over to Dila's desk.

"You're right. It's fuckin' stupid of me to mope about this. Chekov is happy and I should be happy for him and it isn't like him and Gaila are fucking gettin' married or having kids or anything. And maybe by the time things are over between him and Gaila he'll be ready for a relationship." she paused. "Wait, when did you hear me say that? Also, since when are you the fuckin' Magical Advice Guru?" Nadine grinned and leaned back in Dila's chair.

"What? You and Chekov leave to have a secret talk and you really think me and Sulu aren't gonna listen? You're dumber than I thought. And as for the guru thing, I have no fucking idea. Maybe I'll stop being your damn life coach when you stop being such a goddamn mopey hypocrite."

As soon as Dila got out of bed she decided she would go visit Chekov. Not visiting for three days wasn't like her and she immediately began thinking of excuses. _I was sick? No, he knows that I would have messaged him if I were sick. I was busy? Yeah, bullshit. When have I ever been to busy to see Chekov? Maybe I'll just tell him Nadine broke her bong again and we were mourning it, _she thought. It wasn't until she actually got to Chekov's door that she thought of something.

"Dila! Vhere have you been? You have not wisited in days. I came to see you yesterday but Nadine said you vere out. Is everything alright?" Chekov said. Dila would be lying if she said that she wasn't pleased that Chekov had been so worried about her.

"Oh you know, I figured you and Gaila would be, uh, busy so I wanted to give you two some space. Besides, History of Andorian Art has been hell." Dila said. _Wow,_ she thought. _It's a good thing I'm so good at this whole 'honesty and openness' thing, otherwise I might have to lie through my teeth to one of the most important people in my life._ Chekov smiled.

"Dila, you know zat I vould newer sacrifice my relationship vith you to spend more time vith Gaila." he said. Dila smiled a little bit at "relationship" even if she knew that Chekov was referring to their friendship. As Chekov started babbling about his work and tinkering with his PADD, Dila suddenly felt at ease. Nothing had changed. Chekov was having a good time with someone else and nothing horrible had happened. He hadn't forgotten about her or decided that she no longer had a place in his life and he wasn't going to. It was springtime and everything was all right. _  
_


End file.
